I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
