using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
