my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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