We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
