woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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