I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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