I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
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