the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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