Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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