You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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