I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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