They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
