fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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