i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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