if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
