the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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