The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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