and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
