before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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