Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
