Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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