...so i touched it.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Randomize
