she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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