I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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