Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
