I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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