Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize