i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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