I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
