i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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