he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize