taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
