I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize