Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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