we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
