I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I cockslap morals
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
