I think my fart just growled at me.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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