If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
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