My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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