Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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