We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
