Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
