Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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