I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
