the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
