If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
