jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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