we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
