Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
