Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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