It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
