so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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