I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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