they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
