So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize