Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize