i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
