is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
