Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
