please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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