there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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