THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize