I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
