we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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