DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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