Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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