I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i wish my penis had a tongue
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
