We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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