Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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